When there's no where to turn to..

this is the moment where i write with my emotions...

so many things in my head...all coming at me all at once...feeling confused, sad, hurt all at once...it's crazy!

maybe i'm just being irrational..maybe i'm just seeing things from one perspective..this is me trying to see it from outside the box.

it's hard..change is really hard...never been good at accepting changes but its something you can never get away from..it comes whether you're ready or not. there has been days when i think to myself..did i make the right choice? was it the right time? thinking of how he is..and thinking back through all my past experiences, never have i met anyone like him..but there are days and times when it's just so hard..and what makes it harder..i have no where or no one else to turn to...is this how it's supposed to be?

i pulled the emergency brake when i made the decision to change my life..it's wasn't because of anyone or for anyone but myself..but there has been days when i wished i could just relapse..but i can't..THAT is because of someone other than me...but i did try and take a peek at how it used to be..it's just not the same anymore.i have definitely changed...and about to change even more soon..

so now i'm lost...feeling homesick for a home that no longer exists..missing people who are no longer the same...it's wrong to say it..but i feel so alone right now..longing for the past which will never be there again.i have no where to go but forward..but i don't want to move just yet..i just want to collect myself..i just want to stay here for a while till all these feelings go away

but i can't even do that...my life right now doesn't permit me to rest..take a break and take it all in..it's so demanding.....everyone is so demanding..they all just wants a piece of me..even more than they used to since now i'm able to give more..when in truth..i wonder..do i really have more to give now?then why do i feel so drained?

that peace of mind......where? will this feeling pass or is it here to stay? the decision is in my hands..but is it really mine to decide?

*at the bottom of the wheel*