May 12, 2011

Motherhood is Not Easy, But it Has its Rewards

So I was going through my regular blog reading and Sarah from welcome to the gOOd life wrote something that hit home, about how frustrating it is to be a mom, especially being a SAHM with 2 (very cute by the way) little girls.

Most of the blogs that I follow (my crafty inspiration list) are of SAHM who has mad sewing and crafty skills and each has 2-5 kids. Honestly..I can't imagine having 5 kids. I'd probably go mad or probably die along the process of raising the kids! yes, no doubt CKD is cute and all..but there are times when I wish I could have my old single life back. What I miss the most is sleep! Undisturbed 8 hours of sleep! (a little longer would be nice too! my record is 20hours..:P)

Does that make me a bad mom?

I guess I don't want to dwell so much on the matter. It's just really good to know that I'm not the only one who feels like we need a break every now and then.

But on a contradicting note..with my TKC friends (who texts non-stop on our BBM group chat) are either just had a baby or is expecting one really soon..I kinda miss being pregnant!hahah! But Nenn said (the only doctor in the group chat - who I think should start charging us for all the medical consultations that she is giving through the chats!hahah!) being pregnant for 2 years in a row (which what happened to me) is not good and can cause the mother to be anaemic and even with vitamins, would be very hard to increase our Hb count.

Yeay! Now I have a new excuse to blame my lazy-bum self! LOL! I can imagine seeing my mom rolling her eyes at me when I tell her this! :P

Well people..Motherhood IS HARD! And as much as we say we enjoy being a mom and how rewarding it is to see our children grow up, etc etc etc..there are moments when it's soooo hard and could really push our stress level off the roof! There are moments when we wish we could just up and leave!

But hey..reality is reality. You can't just leave everything behind and go. What keeps me going now is my mama actually. If I feel being a mom (for only a few hours of the day since I'm at work from 8am-5pm) is hard, then what I should do (and is doing) is put myself in my mama's shoes coz she is with Keisha ALONE, the WHOLE DAY..and my mom is 62years old.

I know how difficult Keisha can get, and I get frustrated with her a lot when I spend the whole day with her - and that's only on weekends. Mama is with her from me a BIGGER sense of appreciation to my mama.

So I try my best to take over handling Keisha when I get back from work. I let my mama hog the TV and watch her KBS World shows at night (and causes me to have a new found addiction for Korean Dramas). And Keisha sleeps with me everynight, so yeah, I get the graveyard feeding shift. Coz as much as I need my break, my mama needs some too.

And although every morning I wake up wishing I could sleep a little longer. I drag my feet every morning getting ready for work..secretly grumbling and complaining in my head (hey..gimme a break!), I'll kiss my sleeping baby and my lovely mama before leaving for work, also secretly wishing I didn't have to go to work and spend the day with them instead.

My baby girl is not the most perfectly behaving little girl. She's naughty and difficult most of the time, now more than ever. But "Praise Him for the sunny days" she's adorable and lovable and cheeky and a joy. Must share that her favorite song right now is Colbie Caillat's 'I do' which she will sing "Atem, atem, atem" while clapping and moving from side-to-side everytime she hears the song or whenever she feels like breaking into a song herself. I don't even mind the sleepless nights sometimes especially when I get to catch her smile in her sleep, and see how peaceful she looks sleeping.

So I guess I just need to see things in different perspective, to highlight the good and accept (and manage) the hard. There will be times when I will get frustrated and feel like giving up..but that will just mean that I'm human.

That's my reality.

It's not all sunshine, blue skies and green grass. I get the occasional rain, stormy clouds and muddy fields that sometimes feels as if they last longer than most. But there will ALWAYS be a rainbow at the end of the storm!

So choose to be happy people! BUT REMEMBER that it's still okay to cry sometimes! (and the occasional complaints *wink*)

May 9, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

It was mother's day yesterday and Keisha decided to give me a very special gift..

She walked on her own for the very first time!

I couldn't ask for a more special gift than that..*fuzzy feeling* CKD has been pestering us to hold her hands as she tries to walk these past few weeks. And at the same time, I have always tried to encourage her to walk unsupported. But she always only gives me a huge cheeky grin and deliberately fall on me.

But yesterday, I tried to get her to walk on her own and SHE DID!! She followed me all over the living room laughing and grinning..walking by herself! I was ecstatic! Happy to see it with my own eyes her first steps...

She's so big now..trying to remember how tiny she used to be...sigh..

I love you Keisha! and thank you for coming into my life..thank you for all the happiness you've given me..

Silly moment with mama!

Smile baby!
Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies and mommies-to-be out there! Your child is the best gift you could ever have as a mother!

May 6, 2011

Praise Him for the Sunny Days!

I've seen a rainbow yesterday but too many storms have come and gone
Leaving a trace of not one God giving ray
Is it because my life is ten shades of gray?
I pray, all ten fade away, seldom praise him for the sunny days

- Waterfalls, TLC

I seem to be channeling negativity and pessimism a lot lately. And like the lyrics to the Waterfalls song, "Seldom praise him for the sunny days" I have been ungrateful.

I guess that has always been how I deal with things. By complaining and making excuses for myself. My wake up call came when I found out my Scheduled Waste Manager Certification has expired and I didn't get my 'Competent Person' title because I failed to submit my report. The thing that smacked me in the face was finding out that the certification course now costs RM3000 plus when it was about RM1500 when I took it 3 years ago.

I feel as if I have failed myself.

I reflected on what I have been given (material and spiritual) and I noticed that yes..I have deliberately sabotaged myself by being ungrateful, lazy and a spoiled brat.

You might think that it was just a course I failed, why make it such a big deal? The course would've been a major added value to my resume and my value as an Env. Eng. Something like a certified Safety Offficer but even more because I would've been one of the pioneers to have such certification. And I blew it. All me and nothing or no one else but MY OWN FAULT!

So I'm set to turn into a new leaf. And I have a new mantra..

"Stop wishing and start doing!"

I've applied to do my Masters and fingers crossed I'll get accepted to my chosen course and varsity and I am set at doing my very best. First class honors here I come (I'll try!)

And for my current situation, I'm gonna change my ways. I swear, I'm trying my best.

Turning 30 this year, bout time I act like one and grow up already.


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