I've seen a rainbow yesterday but too many storms have come and gone
Leaving a trace of not one God giving ray
Is it because my life is ten shades of gray?
I pray, all ten fade away, seldom praise him for the sunny days
- Waterfalls, TLC
I seem to be channeling negativity and pessimism a lot lately. And like the lyrics to the Waterfalls song, "Seldom praise him for the sunny days" I have been ungrateful.
I guess that has always been how I deal with things. By complaining and making excuses for myself. My wake up call came when I found out my Scheduled Waste Manager Certification has expired and I didn't get my 'Competent Person' title because I failed to submit my report. The thing that smacked me in the face was finding out that the certification course now costs RM3000 plus when it was about RM1500 when I took it 3 years ago.
I feel as if I have failed myself.
I reflected on what I have been given (material and spiritual) and I noticed that yes..I have deliberately sabotaged myself by being ungrateful, lazy and a spoiled brat.
You might think that it was just a course I failed, why make it such a big deal? The course would've been a major added value to my resume and my value as an Env. Eng. Something like a certified Safety Offficer but even more because I would've been one of the pioneers to have such certification. And I blew it. All me and nothing or no one else but MY OWN FAULT!
So I'm set to turn into a new leaf. And I have a new mantra..
"Stop wishing and start doing!"
I've applied to do my Masters and fingers crossed I'll get accepted to my chosen course and varsity and I am set at doing my very best. First class honors here I come (I'll try!)
And for my current situation, I'm gonna change my ways. I swear, I'm trying my best.
Turning 30 this year, bout time I act like one and grow up already.