When They Just Won't Shut Up..

1:15am, 23^rd June 2010

It’s so late already and I should be in bed because I am working in the morning. But Keisha just had her first colic tantrum a while ago and ever since I’ve been able to soothe her (more effort from my mom actually) and finally put her to bed..I can’t sleep. I suddenly have all these words and things in my head that I just HAVE to write down.

You see, I personally think that I kinda suck at blogging. I mean, if I try to be informative, I tend to lack information and research (sbb malas nak research la kan obviously!)..If I feel like sharing something and promising I would update about it in my future post, I don’t..and my visual help tends to be slacking too coz I feel that it takes up too much effort to take pictures of things/people/places/activities that I want to blog about let alone uploading it (BAPAKla pemalas nya aku ni!) And on top of that, I have limited access to the internet since we cancelled out our streamyx account last year (because we weren’t fully utilizing it and more of misusing it. Suami and I got too addicted to FB games that we were actually talking to each other through IM at home..when we’re both sitting right in front of each other!!! We overcame that problem by going to Starbucks or Coffee Bean and started IMing each other there instead! Like that made any difference! LOL! Funny story, really. Will blog about it later – just don’t hold your breath about it!:P) I guess that’s why I only seem to have 16 followers on my blog!!haha! But I’m not aiming in becoming blogger of the year either.

I began to blog as just a way to vent out my feelings and fill in time as I used to do in my old blog. I used to keep a personal journal (yes..like a diary! Handwritten and all!!) I had stuffs written in there that I swear I feel embarrassed now for feeling so strongly about whatever I thought was such a crisis that it felt like the end of the world or of exes I could swear I would love forever (which forever obviously turned out to be quite short). But that was a way for me to think from outside of the box other than to vent and rant devil words that I don’t feel suitable to share with anyone at the exact time I was feeling it. I poured in a lot of effort too coz I had all these artwork I took from magazines and sometimes my not-so-artsy work makes a debut in it too. I felt (emphasize on I) that it was quite interesting with all those pictures and scribbles and crap I put in it. But that too became too much effort and time consuming.

So later, I was introduced to the blogosphere by Friendster (how long haven’t we heard that network engine!) and started blogging which was done at almost similar time (feeling strong emotions about anything which turned out to be nothing) and also when I was in between classes. But when on the blog, I have to restrict some opinions/emotions/information at the risk of some people I don’t want to know those specific stuffs reading it. Yes you can control the privacy of the blog, I was (and maybe still am) an attention whore (sikit2..:P) and wanted my feelings to be known at a more wider circle. If I were to keep the blog private, I could miss out on certain people I secretly wish would read my blog :P. I tried keeping it private a while back actually, but that got hack into by the EXACT person I DIDN’T want to read the blog, so I don’t see the point of privatising my blog. It is now open for all to read.

But I feel flattered and pleasantly surprised when I find out that some of the people who are the silent readers on my blog. They never comment on my posts nor do they openly follow me on my blog but these are my friends who I don’t have the luxury of seeing them all the time like I used to (the ones I always see now pun I don’t see them as often as I would like) and when we do talk, they mention that they keep tab of what is happening to me through my blog. So I guess I must be doing SOMETHING right here since it seems to fit SOME purpose..(quick shoutout to you silent readers whom I personally know! Hope you guys are doing fine and I sincerely and truly wish we could catch up on more personal level than this! Take care ok!)

And I also know that there are also some silent readers, whom I personally know too but are not on such friendly terms with me (anymore..) just hoping and wishing that I’m having a crappy life and are happy about it (or as the latest bahan gossip). You know what, I don’t care that you like it when my life sucks or that I go through shit (sometimes)..I also don’t care that you have nothing better to do than to read up on me just so you could satisfy your sick emotion towards me. Honestly, I should actually feel flattered that you actually put in an effort to even come here in the first place! Thank you for increasing the traffic in my blog..might as well make yourself useful and click on the nuffnang add while you’re at it!

So okay..I have typed in 40min of pointless rambling when I should be sleeping..Now I hope my inner voice is satisfied (yes.I have a VERY LOUD inner voice that contributes to most of the crap that I write here) and finally let me have some sleep.

Good night people..(tho I might be posting this in the morning when I get to the office since I did this draft as a Word document coz I don’t have any internet connection at home..mcm loser sgt kan??) So the right thing to say now is Good Morning people! Have a nice day!

*it is now 1.57am, 23^rd June 2010 as I end this entry*