How Do I? I Don't....

How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I...
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?

I've been thinking about my late son a lot these past few days. Missing him more than I'd normally let myself..I don't let myself think how much he'd grown by now if he was still alive. I would just be torturing myself more. But I have friends with sons who was born about the same time Arwah was born. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy following their progress and proud of my friends who are now mothers. But I am only human and sometimes that 'If only' thought would somehow manage to get through...

I am thankful for suami.for always being so strong and supportive..I am thankful for my family, my mom especially who understands or at least tries to understand what I'm going through..I am thankful for the child that I am bearing in me now..

But I am still scared..skeptical...paranoid..whatever you want to put it. I don't think I'd be strong enough to go through anything like this anymore..

I've always been kinda optimistic about life. It hasn't been easy for me, even since I was a child. But I have ALWAYS chose to be happy. It's really hard this time..harder than anything I have ever had to do. Hard to put up a happy face..but I'm doing my best.

I think I'm feeling extra sad because I will be going to visit Arwah's grave for the first time tomorrow. I don't know how I will react..I don't even know what to do when I do get there.

Well, guess I will find out tomorrow..

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha to all my muslim friends...