If the shoe fits

I did you wrong my heart went out to play
But in the game I lost you
What a price to pay, hey I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby

Mistakes, I know I've made a few
But I'm only human
You've made mistakes too, I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby

I'm just about at the end of my rope
But I can't stop trying I can't give up hope
'Cause I feel that one day, I'll hold you near
Whisper, I still love you
Until that day is here, I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby, ooh

Smokey Robinson - Ooo Baby Baby

Been reminiscing my past a lot lately. It's annoying. This nagging feeling and voice in my head. And then suddenly this song started playing in my mp3 and it kinda struck home. No..it's not to suami that I did wrong..nothing like that. More of to my past stories.. and no..I'm not trying to get the past back into my life either..

hahaha..this song is so wrong :P 

But I need to get this out. This constant nagging in my head.

You know how you seem to block out the bad things that happened in your past? Where you only remember the good times? Your old flame..how it felt the first time you held hands, the long distance phone calls just so you could hear each other's voices (it was really hard and expensive back then!), the excitement of seeing him during the early stages of the relationship..those kind of things..

Well its kinda bothering me. Coz it's in the past..and its kind of pointless to remember. Kinda depressing too..(coz I start to remember on how skinny I used to be back then as well :P)

Then I come across some 'evidence' on how nasty the relationship ended..how big of a jerk I was..how selfish..

And I feel guilty.

This is not my first apology to my exes that I have done. But I haven't made one for this particular person (I think..) Not going to name names here since both of us are happily married with kids now..but if the shoe fits..this is for you..I think this song is the biggest hint I can give..

"Build Me Up Buttercup"

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then (bah-dah-dah)
I went to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I'm sorry..I truly am..

For what I put you through. For giving you hope when it didn't seem like it was going to last. For not being fair when I ended things with us. For letting my heart go out and play and not come home..

Since we are at our separate ways..happy in our own paths now..I wish all the happiness for you and your family. I want to thank you for all that you did for me when we were together. You were one of the sweetest guy I've ever been with and your wife is lucky to have you in her life. I hope that she will cherish you as you deserve to be cherished..and I'm sure you are a great husband to her like the man you are..

Thank you for the memories..thank you for being one of the good memories in my past (since the bad memories is actually my own doing and I somehow managed to block them out..) I hope I did not cause too much damage on the great person that you are..and again..please accept my sincerest apologies..I know we've moved on and actually able to be civil and friendly with each other now..and for that I truly appreciate it.

Sorry to share this in the www but I kinda need to do this..no one seems appropriate enough for me to talk to about it..talking to you would probably be asking for trouble..but I need to get it out..to let it out. To let go and clear my conscience..

So there.