Go Visit Malaysia Year 2014 peeps..

I really feel like I should be more adventurous and spontaneous in my life. This being safe thing is I guess an old habit that just got worse. In a way, I've always been the person who likes to keep it safe and by the book. Contrary to what some might think about my actions when I was younger, you don't entirely know how I think.

So I just came back from an out station meeting in Lumut today. This is my 3rd time going up to the yard, but it is my first time going with my peers. I had colleagues coming in from all parts of the country and specifically 2 from Sabah was travelling to Lumut with me. At the same time, I managed to persuade another colleague to tag along just so he could be the designated driver since the company was short on drivers and I am not adventurous enough to just brave the road to Lumut myself.

Generally it would take about 4 hours to get to Lumut from KL. But since we had to make a pit stop at KL Sentral to pick up the Sabahans and got lost on the way to KL Sentral (yes..the designated driver sucks at KL roads but he did well in Lumut :P), we started out our journey towards Lumut about an hour behind schedule. But we made good time and managed to arrive in Lumut around 8pm  and checked in safely in our hotel rooms by about 9pm.

But I suck at sleeping in new places on the first night of my arrival so I ended up watching some Running Man and tossed and turned in my hotel room. I managed to doze at about 4.30am only to wake up at 6.30am (damn you body clock!) and with my non-recovering flu..I had to drag my groggy head and legs to get ready for the day since my meeting was going to start early.

Site visit before meeting - sleepy, groggy, major headache and nerves!

Thankful that the meeting went well..much to improve and more work piled up on my never-ending list of work task, we headed out back to KL after the guys finished their Friday prayers.

It was getting late when we started out our journey back, but our designated driver suggested for us to take our time and give the opportunity to our Sabahan colleagues to enjoy the trip since they had to endure almost 13-hours of travelling the day before and it was their first time in Lumut.

So we stopped for a little bit in Lumut, gave the opportunity for the Sabahans to get some souvenirs then slowly made our way back into the city. Only our timing wasn't so lucky as we were approaching Teluk Intan. We were stuck in traffic for almost an hour because there was some construction going on at the bridge just outside of Teluk Intan and only one lane was open. Who knew you could be stuck in traffic for that long in the middle of nowhere eh?

Hafis, the designated driver was stressed out from the jam and in the spur of the moment decided to stop at the Teluk Intan's Menara Condong just so we could stretch our legs for a bit and be touristy.

Acting touristy and googling where to find the best kopitiam in Teluk Intan. Couldn't find  and didn't bother to consult anyone else. Need to try that again next time.

The Malaysian Tourists - Hey it is Visit Malaysia Year 2014 anyway!
We looked like we are leaning towers ourselves don't we? :P

Well I'm glad that we did. Though we only stopped for less than an hour to take some pictures, perform our prayers and had a drink before we continued our journey, I felt that it was productive.

We discussed on our journey back that we never go and visit the landmarks that are at our place. My Sabahan colleagues who are based in Kota Kinabalu admitted that they have never been to Gunung Kinabalu, while Hafis and I admitted that we've never been to KL Tower even though it's located literally down the road to our office either. Pretty common that we seem to take for granted what we have near us. People come from all over the world to visit these places, but we don't even bother doing so and yet we dream of seeing the world.

Menara Condong, Teluk Intan Perak. Our very own leaning Tower of Pisa

So this year, I hope I can be more adventurous and learn to appreciate what I have near me (applies to both the tourist attractions and my personal life) and to just make a quick pit stop here and there sometimes just to check and appreciate them.

So KL Tower anyone?

The Walk Theory

I've been meaning to write this for a while now but never gotten around to doing it.

The Walk Theory.

I have this theory where how a man walks plays a MAJOR role in their hotness level. I've tried this theory myself and gotten my girlfriends' opinion on it and suffice to say, they agreed.

It's like this..picture a guy who you think is pretty hot. Okay, I'll give you some visual aid. Meet Adam..(if you don't know Adam..girl, you've got some major catching up to do! heheh!)

Adam Levine - Voted Hottest Male 2013 (source: Google)

With a guy this hot, you're bound to notice him from a mile away! hehehe... So okay, you see him and you start to get all excited..giggling like a little schoolgirl with your girlfriends and then he starts to walk (not necessarily towards you tho..hehe..got your imaginations running wild?)

And he walks....

waddle waddle waddle (source: Google)

Like a duck........

I'm sure his hotness level drops faster than you can say duck. Kind of a killjoy innit? 

There are many ways in how a man walks..and waddling is not one of the sexy ones. Its kinda hard to describe how a man's walk is sexy. A catwalk model can be used as an example, but then, if he walks like that in real life, you might think he's a tad bit too pretentious. Not sexy.

A walk so sexy that the little boy starts to cry..LOL! (source: google)

There's a certain kind of stride, the precision and confidence in his steps, the coolness in his movement that when he walks, the whole room feels his presence..his aura..That, to me, is what I call a sexy walk.

A man can be just average looking, but with a sexy walk..he just might make it to the 'HOT' list. Sad to say, not many makes it to the sexy walk list. Many makes it to the good looking list, but fails miserably when he starts walking. Some waddles like a duck, some walks like they're kicking  something stuck at the bottom of their feet, some bounces like there's a spring at their heels, too fast, too slow, slouches..the list just goes on..

So go ahead. When you're having one of your people watching sessions, give my theory a shot. See how the way they walk can affect their hotness level.

Have fun!

Hey it's Friday Night!

Image source: Google

It's a Friday. I'm swamped with work. I have a whole stack of submissions that I have to compile and analyze. The mere sight or even thought of it right now makes me want to vomit. I wish I had an intern to do this crap but sadly..that is not my reality.

So I've got my playlist plugged into my ears and Miley Cyrus belts out "We Can't Stop". And instead of trying to figure out how to compile that stack of complaints submitted, I listened to what Miley had to say.

I miss dancing. And 10 years ago tonight, would've been an almost sure dancing night for me. As a matter of fact, it would've probably been the third (out of 4) night for the week that I'd go out dancing. :P

I think a few years ago before the hijab and before the kids came, some time after my wedding, I did try to go out dancing with friends and suami. Hit the dance floor like I naturally would but I felt this restrain...this self-conscious feeling...very uncomfortable. Ended up sitting at the table and just people watch for the rest of the night.

Now the only sort of dancing I do is the weird jiggle and wiggle I do with my babies to the tunes they play on Ceebeebies or NickJr. Sometimes witnessed by the public when we're out in the mall and CKD breaks into a tune but mostly confined in the privacy of our living room. As much as I get that warm and fuzzy feeling and hear the infectious laughter of the girls, it's not that adrenaline rush I used to get from busting out my moves (:P!) back in the days.

I miss it..but I don't miss it. I mean, I miss the adrenaline rush...I just don't miss the scene. the crowd, the sweaty people, the cigarette smoke... but I still love the loud music playing in the room tho.

Oh well..I think I should just pump up the nursery rhymes and stick to our living room jiggle and wiggle with the girls tonight. Coz hey..it's Friday night!

Have a great weekend peeps!

If the shoe fits

I did you wrong my heart went out to play
But in the game I lost you
What a price to pay, hey I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby

Mistakes, I know I've made a few
But I'm only human
You've made mistakes too, I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby

I'm just about at the end of my rope
But I can't stop trying I can't give up hope
'Cause I feel that one day, I'll hold you near
Whisper, I still love you
Until that day is here, I'm crying

Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby
Ooh, baby baby, ooh

Smokey Robinson - Ooo Baby Baby

Been reminiscing my past a lot lately. It's annoying. This nagging feeling and voice in my head. And then suddenly this song started playing in my mp3 and it kinda struck home. No..it's not to suami that I did wrong..nothing like that. More of to my past stories.. and no..I'm not trying to get the past back into my life either..

hahaha..this song is so wrong :P 

But I need to get this out. This constant nagging in my head.

You know how you seem to block out the bad things that happened in your past? Where you only remember the good times? Your old flame..how it felt the first time you held hands, the long distance phone calls just so you could hear each other's voices (it was really hard and expensive back then!), the excitement of seeing him during the early stages of the relationship..those kind of things..

Well its kinda bothering me. Coz it's in the past..and its kind of pointless to remember. Kinda depressing too..(coz I start to remember on how skinny I used to be back then as well :P)

Then I come across some 'evidence' on how nasty the relationship ended..how big of a jerk I was..how selfish..

And I feel guilty.

This is not my first apology to my exes that I have done. But I haven't made one for this particular person (I think..) Not going to name names here since both of us are happily married with kids now..but if the shoe fits..this is for you..I think this song is the biggest hint I can give..

"Build Me Up Buttercup"

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then (bah-dah-dah)
I went to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I'm sorry..I truly am..

For what I put you through. For giving you hope when it didn't seem like it was going to last. For not being fair when I ended things with us. For letting my heart go out and play and not come home..

Since we are at our separate ways..happy in our own paths now..I wish all the happiness for you and your family. I want to thank you for all that you did for me when we were together. You were one of the sweetest guy I've ever been with and your wife is lucky to have you in her life. I hope that she will cherish you as you deserve to be cherished..and I'm sure you are a great husband to her like the man you are..

Thank you for the memories..thank you for being one of the good memories in my past (since the bad memories is actually my own doing and I somehow managed to block them out..) I hope I did not cause too much damage on the great person that you are..and again..please accept my sincerest apologies..I know we've moved on and actually able to be civil and friendly with each other now..and for that I truly appreciate it.

Sorry to share this in the www but I kinda need to do this..no one seems appropriate enough for me to talk to about it..talking to you would probably be asking for trouble..but I need to get it out..to let it out. To let go and clear my conscience..

So there. 

the tough gets going...

I had a meltdown last week. Life got too out of my capability and sanity..lack of sleep and not 100% in the health department either. Both girls was unwell for like the longest time (on-off fever for 2 weeks, runny nose, cough..), CKD was even admitted for 4 days. Had to take off from work where the scene was no better..had like a million things to do and deadlines closing in. The same with my postgrad program with the new semester starting..

And then the judgemental person.

That was the final straw. What's worst is I couldn't do anything about the person. Nothing I could say..nothing I could do that wouldn't lead to a disastrous ending.

So I decided to disconnect. From the social medias..facebook, instagram, whatsapp groups.. only the trusty twitter was spared..to rant..which I didn't really do either.

The toilet became the escape to bawl my eyes out..and let my heartache pour. And even then it was done in silent sobs.

Wow. Breathe.

No solutions was found. The tough just got going like the saying:

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going" 

Wise words.

Funny. I had so many things I thought I wanted to put down..but now that I have the chance my mind is a total blank. Seriously wondering what's going on with me now.

Anyway..as I was saying..the tough got going. The girls got better..Alhamdulillah for that. Work at the office suddenly got easier to finish..and found a potential supervisor for my research project altho I might miss the deadline to submit my title this semester.

I'm feeling a lot better although judgement and unwarranted criticism are still coming in from the same source. I've lost my appetite tho that could be a good thing..:P

I'm OK. Not 100% optimistic but not hopeless either.

Still not 100% connected to my social medias yet. It's not logged on all the time on my phone like it used to be, but I go in time and time again mostly to check on things about my postgrad course. Postings on them seems to depress me..I can't explain. Maybe its just me..over thinking and over analyzing things like I always do.

This is a milestone in my life. I know it is. Coz I feel like I'm changing. I hope for the better.

I'll be back folks. With less depressing stories hopefully and more sunshines and rainbows and magic and little ponies..(sorry..too much of My Little Pony courtesy of CKD). Til then..

The tough gets going people. Just carry on even if its by dragging your feet..coz soon you'll be running again..insya allah..

I survived

Was going through my old blog post from 2009 (here). Just wanted to say (if its not obvious enough already)..I survived..alhamdulillah..

But not a day goes by that I don't imagine what it would be like if he was here.

Al-fatihah my dear son. I miss you.

Sunshine after the rain

It has been a hectic week.

Suami has an event in Perlis and is there for 10 days since last Friday. And during that, things at home are pretty hectic especially in the morning. My mom has to take up another extra role as my designated driver to and from the LRT station on top of sending and picking up CKD from school. Forever greatful for her.

There has been some emotional turmoil as well (not including the emotional turmoil because suami is not around). Some troubles from my family and the passing of suami's favorite aunt.

Al-fatihah mak chak..semoga ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang yang beriman..

I'm never good at dealing with death. I don't know how to react or maybe I just block it out of my mind. So I spent the day distracting myself with work and other things that I've put on hold (like registering to be a graduate member of BEM!)

And the trouble(s) from this family of mine..sigh..

God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to be brave enough to change the things I can and to have enough wisdom to know the difference..

It rained cats and dogs that day. As heavy as my heart was crying.

But the sun shone so brightly the next morning as I was getting to work. I have never seen the sun shining so brightly in the city like that..

Source: google

And just as bright as the sunshine, there just might be some good news for me - career wise. Which I guess will only be disclosed when its confirmed. But just the thought of it brought sunshine to my heart and my self-esteem..

Insyaa allah..

May the sun shine brightly in your hearts as well..Happy Weekend!