Jun 25, 2010
Fakta takde arah tujuan:
Bulan June secara purata adalah bulan yang aku mula meriah taruk entry..
Sekian untuk perasmian label 'Sampah'
*inspired by rawkstar's 'Garbage' entry..*
So we went out for a movie date, just the two of us.
Suami booked the 9:30pm Knight & Day movie at GSC Tropicana Mall so we had enough time to go home and play with Keisha for a bit before the movie. Left home at about 8pm since we still needed to pick up the tickets and have dinner. By that time Keisha was already satisfied and contently sleeping (dah dapat habuan dari mama dia...mane tak nye!)
We managed to make quite good time to Tropicana Mall so we browsed around for a bit. While waiting for suami to get the tickets, I was looking at the gps navigation gadgets aimlessly. But I guess it was a good day for the salesperson. I ended up buying the Papago Wayway Q4331i GPS Navigation set for suami. It was what he wanted for his birthday anyway..So..happy birthday sayang!!
Tolong jangan mohon review sbb aku tak pernah pakai lagi bende ni. But it looks more user friendly than Garmin and has better graphics - it has 3D imaging and siap ada option untuk route yang tak lalu tol! (peah, pasni mesti Papago ni boleh guide aku terus ke ikan bakar Jalan Bellamy tanpa buat aku sesat tau! It shows the exact junction to take. Lenkali tayah amik aku kat Tupai Tupai dah..:P)Semalam tak sempat nak test coz we didn't get it fixed to the sattelite feed. But the thing I like most about the navigator is the name..Papago Way Way!! sounds like a kid talking..:P
So aaaanyway..we didn't really have enough time after that to see what we wanted to have for dinner (plus i have always thought that Tropicana Mall's choice for eating is quite disappointing..lainla Empire Subang..) So we just bought some 1901 hot dogs and pop corn and makan near the bonsai trees exhibition (oh yeah..there was a Bonsai tree exhibition/competition thingy going on that time..bonsai trees are amazing i tell ya..it just takes my imagination to another level!:P)
While waiting for the cinema hall to open, suami started to comment of the fashion sense of some people around us..My suami comments/gossip about people worse than I do I tell you!! I think working in the fashion industry for his sister a few years back prolly left some scar on him..sigh..
Then it was movie time!! If you haven't watched Knight & Day, please go..It's funny although I think Tom Cruise prolly shouldn't do anymore movies that reveals his bod..I mean, he does look great as compared to other men his age, but..age is catching up with him..But the dialogues are funny..
Although it was a nice welcome to go out for a date with suami, we both missed Keisha tremendously. So suami said, next time bring Keisha along..Keisha mana boleh tengok wayang lagi sayang........tengok mobile in her cot pun baru je lepas..Don't let her grow up so fast..I'm not done 'gomol'ing her yet.
*Nak tgk SATC2 tapi perasaan mcm tak berbaloi tgk di wayang...tgk kat rumah pun layan kot..*
Jun 24, 2010
Anyway..am not here to talk about work...That little voice in my head is nagging again! (am I going nuts??)
Whoever said that motherhood is bliss must be either filthy rich (to be able to afford all the help she needs) or is superwoman (to be able to have all that energy to do it by herself)!! Call it post-partum depression or just plain exhaustion..but I sure don't see the bliss in any of it!
From the day that I went into labor up until today, I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep..In between the feeding that the baby needs and the breast engorgement that just keeps you awake until you express the milk, I'm surprised I can still go to work or even function. I am not being ungrateful or anything..if anything I am considered the lucky few for being blessed with such a good baby. Keisha sleeps through the night most of the time and my mom is the world most amazing mother EVER for helping me raise Keisha! But I'm just saying..I can't do this motherhood thing alone..
It's not that I've never had any respect for mothers out there, but to actually be wearing the shoes of a mother right now...I have a new found respect for those who has more than one child and working at the same time..How do you do it? Where do you get all the strength to do it all?? The sleepless nights..the aching body..the workload..the cleaning and cooking..Masya Allah!!
I cried through most of the days when I was in confinement..It began when I was learning to breastfeed Keisha. A painful and VERY trying experience..Then when she had jaundice..the crying got worse..on top of the pain I was going through (post labor pain, sore breasts & nipples, lack of sleep) seeing Keisha under the UV light was not helping either..my heart just ached seeing her like that. I was also having a hard time feeding her because if she is not fully satiated, she won't settle under the UV light and if she doesn't get 'UVed' her jaundice won't reduce. There was a time that it took me 2 hours to feed her and yet she was STILL not satisfied! I had to call the nurse for help and I was crying my eyes out from the pain and exhaustion..
Then when she finally got discharged, we couldn't go home. The house was still under renovations (which took 2 months to complete instead of 1 month as promised by the contractor) so we had to stay at my in laws for a bit..That led to more 'trying' moments for me..I didn't feel settled being in someone else's home and all. So my mom and I decided to bring Keisha and I back to Kuantan.
Kuantan was a welcoming comfort to me because I felt like I was home..but it also meant that I had to be away from suami..We stayed in Kuantan for 2 weeks that decided to just brave the house with constructions and all...By then the contractors only needed to fix in the kitchen cabinets and change the doors in the house. It was still dusty and noisy, but I didn't care. I've had enough of staying at someone else's house. That too took 2 more weeks to complete..
Blissful motherhood for me eh?
But it is getting easier..Now that the house is up and running, being home, getting much more comfortable and better in b/feeding Keisha..It's not so bad..
But I am still tired. So tired that I start to have all these stupid and ridiculous thoughts in my head. Now that my maternity leave is over, sleep or no sleep..I still have get to work in the morning. One comfort knowing that Keisha is in safe hands with my mother at home, but am also concerned that my mom is all alone at home. She's not as young as she used to be..
So do I like being a mother or not?
It has its perks..Keisha can see now so she responses to our calls, her gibberish words and smile, even her cries is really heartwarming..it almost wipes out all the pain and ache I'm going through by just looking at her.
But reality is still there..my daughter has TOTALLY changed my life in EVERY aspect. Everything that I used to do, or the life that I used to have is now obsolete. She has taken over everything...and taken me back to square one..Building a new life is not easy.
Therefore I don't have an answer to my question..for now.
But that's what my life is all about for now. Everyone says it gets easier..I'm sure it does..but for now, I kinda feel like I'm at the bottom of the wheel...
Jun 23, 2010
It’s so late already and I should be in bed because I am working in the morning. But Keisha just had her first colic tantrum a while ago and ever since I’ve been able to soothe her (more effort from my mom actually) and finally put her to bed..I can’t sleep. I suddenly have all these words and things in my head that I just HAVE to write down.
You see, I personally think that I kinda suck at blogging. I mean, if I try to be informative, I tend to lack information and research (sbb malas nak research la kan obviously!)..If I feel like sharing something and promising I would update about it in my future post, I don’t..and my visual help tends to be slacking too coz I feel that it takes up too much effort to take pictures of things/people/places/activities that I want to blog about let alone uploading it (BAPAKla pemalas nya aku ni!) And on top of that, I have limited access to the internet since we cancelled out our streamyx account last year (because we weren’t fully utilizing it and more of misusing it. Suami and I got too addicted to FB games that we were actually talking to each other through IM at home..when we’re both sitting right in front of each other!!! We overcame that problem by going to Starbucks or Coffee Bean and started IMing each other there instead! Like that made any difference! LOL! Funny story, really. Will blog about it later – just don’t hold your breath about it!:P) I guess that’s why I only seem to have 16 followers on my blog!!haha! But I’m not aiming in becoming blogger of the year either.
I began to blog as just a way to vent out my feelings and fill in time as I used to do in my old blog. I used to keep a personal journal (yes..like a diary! Handwritten and all!!) I had stuffs written in there that I swear I feel embarrassed now for feeling so strongly about whatever I thought was such a crisis that it felt like the end of the world or of exes I could swear I would love forever (which forever obviously turned out to be quite short). But that was a way for me to think from outside of the box other than to vent and rant devil words that I don’t feel suitable to share with anyone at the exact time I was feeling it. I poured in a lot of effort too coz I had all these artwork I took from magazines and sometimes my not-so-artsy work makes a debut in it too. I felt (emphasize on I) that it was quite interesting with all those pictures and scribbles and crap I put in it. But that too became too much effort and time consuming.
So later, I was introduced to the blogosphere by Friendster (how long haven’t we heard that network engine!) and started blogging which was done at almost similar time (feeling strong emotions about anything which turned out to be nothing) and also when I was in between classes. But when on the blog, I have to restrict some opinions/emotions/information at the risk of some people I don’t want to know those specific stuffs reading it. Yes you can control the privacy of the blog, I was (and maybe still am) an attention whore (sikit2..:P) and wanted my feelings to be known at a more wider circle. If I were to keep the blog private, I could miss out on certain people I secretly wish would read my blog :P. I tried keeping it private a while back actually, but that got hack into by the EXACT person I DIDN’T want to read the blog, so I don’t see the point of privatising my blog. It is now open for all to read.
But I feel flattered and pleasantly surprised when I find out that some of the people who are the silent readers on my blog. They never comment on my posts nor do they openly follow me on my blog but these are my friends who I don’t have the luxury of seeing them all the time like I used to (the ones I always see now pun I don’t see them as often as I would like) and when we do talk, they mention that they keep tab of what is happening to me through my blog. So I guess I must be doing SOMETHING right here since it seems to fit SOME purpose..(quick shoutout to you silent readers whom I personally know! Hope you guys are doing fine and I sincerely and truly wish we could catch up on more personal level than this! Take care ok!)
And I also know that there are also some silent readers, whom I personally know too but are not on such friendly terms with me (anymore..) just hoping and wishing that I’m having a crappy life and are happy about it (or as the latest bahan gossip). You know what, I don’t care that you like it when my life sucks or that I go through shit (sometimes)..I also don’t care that you have nothing better to do than to read up on me just so you could satisfy your sick emotion towards me. Honestly, I should actually feel flattered that you actually put in an effort to even come here in the first place! Thank you for increasing the traffic in my blog..might as well make yourself useful and click on the nuffnang add while you’re at it!
So okay..I have typed in 40min of pointless rambling when I should be sleeping..Now I hope my inner voice is satisfied (yes.I have a VERY LOUD inner voice that contributes to most of the crap that I write here) and finally let me have some sleep.
Good night people..(tho I might be posting this in the morning when I get to the office since I did this draft as a Word document coz I don’t have any internet connection at home..mcm loser sgt kan??) So the right thing to say now is Good Morning people! Have a nice day!
*it is now 1.57am, 23rd June 2010 as I end this entry*
Jun 22, 2010
We had Keisha's Majlis Aqiqah and Cukur Jambul on the 6th June 2010. It was a big affair..we had A LOT of guests if counting the grandparents' guests and also ours. Thank you to those who made it (although I think it was more of them thanking us for the food!hahah!) but thank you nonetheless for making the occasion a great one (and for giving me the chance to talk to other ppl other than the ones I'm living with!)
I think we had over 200people that came. We started at 11am where the ahli-ahli masjid came and began the Marhaban. We were only expecting 12 people to do the marhaban..but the living room held more than that. Apparently all of my FIL's friends from the mosque and the neighbourhood wanted to join in the occasion. So alhamdulillah..the more the merrier right? Besides, it was an occasion to praise the prophet and to wish for good things for the celebrated child..It was indeed a merry occasion..
We had friends, family, neighbours who all came and wished our daughter well as they were cutting strands of Keisha's hair (cukur jambul). Suami and I decided to shave off all of Keisha's hair that day as as believed in Islam, it is best to shave it all off because it is hair that grew during the gestation period and considered dirty. So shave it all off so that new and clean hair can grow.
Plus it is also a good practice to weight the shaved hair and donate to the poor the value of gold with the same weight of the shaved hair. Meaning, say the hair weighs about 100g and it costs about RM100 for a 100g of gold..so we donate RM100 to the poor. But there is also another practice that the father buys the same weight of gold and gift it to the mother as a gesture of thanks for giving birth to the child. Whichever you choose to practice, it doesn't really matter as this is not a must, merely sunat or an optional practice. Which one did we choose??hehehehe..what do you think?? We didn't really weigh Keisha's hair because as we were shaving it, it went all over the house...so suami is just going to estimate the weigh..doubt it even weighs 100g..:P
Another thing that we did for this majlis was slaughtered a goat as an offering to others. It is a practice of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W as if to give thanks to Allah and to ask for good wishes for the child. Also to announce to everyone the arrival of the new member of our family. This is what is meant by Aqiqah. If you have a baby girl, slaughter ONE goat but if it's a boy, slaughter TWO goats. It is best if the goat is slaughtered by the father so suami actually slaughtered the goat himself. He said as he was slaughtering the goat, he recited a little doa for our daughter wishing that she will grow up to be anak yang solehah. It was done the day before the majlis and suami said the knife used to slaughter the goat was so sharp, he felt as if he was cutting through air when he was slaughtering it. Only downside of aqiqah is that, the meat of the slaughtered animal can only be eaten or donated to muslims. Non-muslim are not allowed to eat them..why you may ask? I shall have to refer to someone more knowledgeable to explain.
So we had one slaughtered goat to feast and sedekah to our saudara islam. But since my FIL invited so many people, he also bought another goat for the caterer to serve our guests that day...
Sorry if my post is a bit mundane and not very informative.. I am on MC today after one day back to work (I started my first day of work yesterday). Something bit my hand and caused an allergic reaction til both the palm of my hands are swollen. A trip to the doctors and an injection to the backside, I am feeling a bit better. But am also down with a swollen tonsil..I think it's the weather. Everyone seems to be falling sick lately. Thank god Keisha is well and happy...even with a shaved head!!:D
Jun 2, 2010
Yes..finally I can go online but only for a little while. I am at Pantai Hospital right now..just went for my post-natal check up and it's about the only time I get to get away for a while. But I have to rush back home now because my mom is home alone with Keisha and the contractors are coming in for the final touch-ups in the house! (yes!!the renovations are still not complete!!!!!)
I have updated my blog twice via my phone..and TWICE it didn't get uploaded!! Frustrating I tell ya..But suami promised to re-install the internet connection sooon so insya allah I will be able to be a more committed blogger after this!
She is growing like a beautiful flower..And YES..I am obsessed with my daughter! Last night was the first time I let her sleep with my mom coz I needed the sleep to wake up early today..and what do you know...I couldn't sleep coz I missed her!!
Will be having her aqiqah and cukur jambul this weekend..Promise I will AT LEAST blog about that (with pictures..) I have taken my daughter to Kuantan, KL and all around..but I have never taken her out and about.. Don't understand what I mean??heheh..you will..
As expected for every new parents..they are obsessed about their child and talks of nothing else. But I do have something else to talk about. Again..I will only be able to do so in due time (hopefully BEFORE I lose the feel of the subject!!)
Keisha is definitely my daughter..why?? Well a picture tells a thousand words (did I get that right??)
Til next time guys!